The Changed World

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You can’t come into my world; you haven’t paid the price of entry. You aren’t permitted to step inside. You can’t know how to join me here.

I wander, dazed and confused, heartbroken and angry, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do next, in what direction I am supposed to be headed.

In this world, there is no peace. In this world, there is no rest.

I live in this world by stumbling through it. By retreating from it. By denying that it exists. By screaming and crying and thrusting my rage upon it.

I know where I live. I live in the place where she was - though it is not the same. It is a world where something will always be missing. Without her here, the light has left. Without her, things that were once familiar are now unknown.

This world feels like a movie set - it looks the same, but it’s all pretend. It has no heartbeat, no life, no rhythm. It is nothing more than an illusion.

I live in this world by putting on a costume and pretending it’s a “normal” day - for those times when I have things that must be done, when I have to get by - but I always pay for it later. The waves crash even harder once the costume is off. My heart does not play games. It will not let me pretend.

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